She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
