dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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