Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
