Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
