I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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