OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
