Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
