Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
