You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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