Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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