I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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