One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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