i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You brought string cheese to the strip club
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
