omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
