everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
