can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
