My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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