i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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