u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
