Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
