The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
