Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
