Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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