You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
