Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
