i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
