my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
