I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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