watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
