I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
