ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
