Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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