And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
