if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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