He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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