Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
