how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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