I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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