I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
