i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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