Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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