Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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