Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
