i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
