girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
