so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
