FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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