If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
