Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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