My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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