u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
