There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
